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There's a poem in all of us
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Chapter 37: Working With Her

            Nothing had made me more excited in months than having the chance to help Angeline. The fact that I'd been able to give her a safe place to stay when she was scared was something I was more than happy about, but being able to give her her freedom back in the form of a job where she wasn't inside a house all day was fantastic. The fact that we had the same hours and worked at the same place so we could carpool if we wanted was just a bonus. A flat out bonus. We got up early in the morning at different times, we went to bed at the same time and I don't know about her, but I would lie in bed, just staring at my ceiling knowing that in the morning I'd have the chance to get up and spend more time with her before we went to the same place to do our jobs.

            Her first day on the job Roy let me introduce her and train her on what to do. Luckily one of my favorite coworkers was nearby so she got to meet Roy and then Jeremiah. Jeremiah was a little out there, but he was a sweetheart when it came to helping people or animals. When he wasn't working at the factory he was helping abandoned animals by fostering them. I'd wanted to talk with him for a long time about the adoption process, but I was always worried that, because I was a werewolf, an animal might not take to me and then it would be a big mess. In public animals seemed to do just fine with me, but that was when my scent was dispersed in the air. At my home my scent would be a lot stronger and a lot of animals couldn't handle that when it came to werecreatures. Maybe something with the fear that a werecreature who wasn't able to control himself or herself might attack the pet. Whatever it was, it had always made me cautious. It was another of those things I'd never been able to ask mom and dad before they died.

            Angeline hit it off with Roy and Jeremiah was his usual sweet self to her. I'd talked about her with him, so he knew how I felt about her. Ange took to the machinery right away and was able to work it like she'd been there for years. I wasn't sure if it was because she was just natural at whatever it seemed she picked up, or if it was because I'd worked there for years and I'd told her how I did my job and what happened while I was there. She'd learned a lot about what I did after she moved in with me. So many fun conversations. It was nice to have someone who was really interested in how my day went and what I did all day. Not that Sam and Luke weren't interested in what I did at work, but Sam was usually buried deep into one of his books either reading one or writing one or doing research sometimes and Luke was usually about to head to work when I was getting off work. Now that Angeline had a job again I could ask her how her day was and hopefully made her as happy as she made me when she asked that same question.

            At the end of the first day I stood by my car, waiting for her. When she came out she was walking with Jeremiah, talking about animals and what he did outside of work. He waved at me and walked over to his truck, telling Angeline he'd see her tomorrow. She walked up to my car and smiled. "I survived."

            "Like there was any doubt?" I teased, smiling as I opened her door for her. "What do you want to do for dinner tonight?"

            "I don't really care. Anything sounds good. I think there might still be some leftover pizza in the fridge."

            "I think Luke took that to work with him today. That or I sent the last of it home with Luke and Sam. You'd be surprised how fast it seems to go when you do it once a week. It's really odd."

            "Well, what about takeout? Or making something with whatever we have on hand at the house?" She shrugged.

            I tilted my head back and forth a few times, leaning my head back against my seat and fiddling with my keys. "I dunno. Don't think there's all that much at the house. I try to keep a stock of microwaveable meals, but I don't remember the last time I stocked up on them and I really don't feel like going to the store because then I'm going to spend a lot more than I should because I'm hungry."

            We both laughed and she spoke up. "Why don't we have something delivered tonight? Not pizza though. No delivery or instant or whatever other types of pizzas there are can compare to your homemade pizzas on family night."

            "Thank you. And yeah, that sounds like a good idea. I've got a bunch of takeout menus at the house so it shouldn't be too hard to find something out of them. And most of them are really good about fast delivery times and good prices on top of that."

            "Orange Pine Valley, home of the awesome delivery places."

            "Mock all you want, it's true. From what I hear there are actually places out there that have to wait and wait and wait and by the time your delivery gets to you at your own home, it's cold! That's just wrong."

            "Wrong on oh so many levels." She leaned her head back against her seat, belt already on, when I started the car. "It almost seems strange, y'know?"

            "What does?"

            "This. All of it. Living with you, working with you, being with you. As in dating you. It's something I'd thought about off and on for so long, but I never thought it would actually come true."

            "You're not alone there. I wished for a future like this time and again when I was a kid. Even before I'd met you. It was just one of those things I wanted in life. Then I met you and the question mark woman in my dreams had a real form. A real face. And lucky for me she actually liked me."

            "Still likes you. Loves you." When I stopped at an intersection she leaned over and kissed me. We drove the rest of the way home holding hands with our fingers laced together. Best day of work ever.
Okay so the pants part is pantsing not actually about pants.

Progress has been made. The house is coming along together nicely and Catfish and I got a car this weekend and I got insurance and plates on it so we're done with car stuff (aside from getting any bumper stickers or magnet stuff for it). I've already got everything except my CDs moved into the car and the first magnet we're getting for the car is one for MS. He and I have talked about this. There are some others we want to get, but that's the first one we've talked about getting. He nodded at me when I brought it up.

His mom has MS and has had a lot of trouble recently. I also feel there's not enough out there about MS because you always see about breast cancer, but not really for MS.

Pants(ing)... With all the stuff about moving and everything happening I haven't had time to plan out more stuff for my story for July. Not sure when I will have time unless I do it at night with other things. Probably end up doing that. The thing about it is I've been thinking about pantsing or half pantsing the coming story. I could never do this for NaNoWriMo, but Camp I can pants with. Not something I want to do or like to do. I might also end up moving a story idea around and seeing if I can't just revamp a story I'd done long ago and use it for Camp because there are story files on my computer that I adore and miss working on and want to finish to share, but it's a long road and a lot of things need to change for the story that I have in mind to revamp. The only one that ALWAYS comes up when I want to revamp. Title, characters, plotting... It's a story that was in my head for a LONG time and I have a lot of ideas for it, including how I want to schedule it all. I have the plot mostly formed and everything in my head, but it's getting it on paper. Part of me is afraid that I won't be able to write it to the level I feel it deserves.

~Heather/Razor
  • Listening to: The news.
  • Reading: Soulless by Gail Carriger
  • Watching: Phone, computer, iPod...
  • Playing: Need to clean!
  • Eating: Lunch. Ham, cheese, and pepperoni sandwich.
  • Drinking: Nothing. Need to get water.

Chapter 36: Too Many Thoughts

            I lied there most of the night. When I finally got up I only moved as far as my room, where I ended up lying on my bed for the remainder of the night staring at me ceiling with my door locked. In my room I couldn't hear Flint and whatever his boyfriends name was.

            Had I really always been so cruel to him? Had I really treated my best friend so terribly for all these years? I knew he was right, that yes, I had really treated him so badly all these years, but part of me said there was a reason for it, and that it was probably karma acting because he was a were supporter. I really didn't care if he was gay. It might bother me a little, but I'd started thinking about my own life and sexuality. I'd always had plenty of luck with the ladies, and yeah, some guys stared now and then, but that was normal. It was them, not me. Part of me couldn't help but wonder about my own sexuality. My best friend was gay. Was I? Was I bi? Was I something else? Was there even something else?

            And what about my brother? If he showed up would I really kill him? Part of me said yes, because I had to, but part of me said no, that I wouldn't be able to bring myself to kill my own family. We shared so much DNA. We shared an entire past. We shared family. We just happened to be different people and take different paths, but what if everyone was right and Duval had just been trying to protect me all these years and just let me live my life? What if, what if, what if!

            I grabbed my head and curled up in as tight of a ball as I could manage, slipping my hands over my ears in an attempt to try and block out the voices that were floating around in my head. The voices were mostly my own voice, but also random voices given to my thoughts.

            I remembered my dad saying long ago that he hadn't found peace until he found my mom. That he was conflicted in so many things. And that sometimes a slight belief in religion did help. He didn't believe in most religions, but he believed that everyone had the right to choose what religion he or she wanted for himself. He found mom and mom had Buddhism. My brother would always ask her questions, but once I came into my shifter power and found out more about what I am, I didn't want anything to do with her. There were times that part of me felt absolutely terrible because of it, but then I thought back to how she was a werewolf and I felt like everything was better.  I wore silver to keep her away from me. My piercings were a way of rubbing in her face that I was something she wasn't and that I'd always be different. It was also my way of expressing myself because neither of my parents had piercings or tattoos. We couldn't get tattoos because they'd heal, but if we handled piercings the right way we could have them for as long as we lived. If it wasn't for however my parents died my mom would still be alive for sure, but my dad might or might not have been.

            Werecreatures could live ages and ages on, which made it dangerous for them to stay in the same place for too many years. They didn't age the right way, they lived for long periods of time, and they weren't easily injured. Movie stereotypes, right?

            Shifters, sadly, had a shorter life expectancy than a werecreature, but they lived a little longer than humans. Whereas human average age was around 90, the average age for a werewolf, for example, was somewhere around 200 or 300 years, more if they took good care of themselves. Shifters were lucky to make it to 150 years old. When my dad had died we had to lie about the birth year of course. My dad would have been turning 150 later in the year if he hadn't died already. It was hard to think back to that day. I had blocked everything out. So much hatred. So many blank spots from where I'd ended up blocking everything out because I didn't like the thought of Duval controlling everything in our lives. His life. My life. We hadn't had an "our life" in years. Not since I became a shifter. And not since he started hanging around mom more and more. It was like he couldn't get enough of her. She was just a stupid woman and he was nothing more than a momma's boy. It did make me look better with the ladies. I was a man's man, I was the tougher one, and I acted like it. Sometimes I missed the stupid family game nights and the making pizza together. I never could cook, but Duval would always help me. I might have been the older brother of the two of us, but Duval was the one who was obviously going to make it somewhere in life. And somehow he ended up staying in the same house we grew up in and working a solid job that didn't have anything he could really branch out into. I had cared enough at one point to make sure of where he was going to be at just in case something ever did happen and he was my only option.

            There were too many thoughts in my head for me to handle. I had to find a way out of my head and only one option was staring me in the face. The only way I had to go through with that option required help from someone else, because I wasn't going to go like a coward. I was too good for that and there was no way I was going to pull a trigger on my own head and that was the only real way I would have been able to kill myself. Pills would have been thrown up or digested too quickly and if I tried cutting myself I'd just heal. Even with silver. Hanging might work, but that took time and I wanted to be out of my head quickly.

            For the moment I took enough sleeping pills to knock me out so I could get some sleep. A little peace was better than no peace.
BBY Ch.36
Nearing the end. What have you guys thought about this piece? By piece I mean this story in general. Is it better than what I've done before? Worse? Where could I improve?
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Chapter 35: Job Hunt

            Day after day I ended up with every local paper and even a computer in front of me as I tried to find a new job. I was slowly going insane from being cooped up in the house and having no reason to get up early and I was just ready to go off the deep end. There was nothing that tied me to sanity except for Duval and if I didn't find a job soon then I wasn't sure I'd be much more than just someone living there with him who happened to be the girlfriend. I wanted to make sure I could always contribute to whatever was going to happen.

            Sam and Luke hadn't been able to provide any advice. Sam tried to get me in at the bookstore where he did most of his signings, but the hours I would have gotten wouldn't have been much to combat the gas and anything else. The hours would barely keep me out of the house more than I already made excuses to be. Then Duval burst in the door and ran to me, grabbing me out of the chair and spinning me around while kissing me. When I pulled back he was grinning like a fool. That beaming grin. "What's gotten into you?"

            "I've got the best news. You're going to think I'm magic."

            "Is this about your brother?"

            He shook his head. "Better."

            My eyes got wide. "You didn't."

            He nodded.

            "No."

            "Yes. I got you a job!"

            We both screamed and I jumped on him with a hug, him wrapping his arms around me and spinning us around once more. "Where? How?"

            "With me. You know all those extra shifts I was picking up?" I nodded. "I was picking up the extra shifts because the person who had worked that place before me had to up and leave without a two week notice because of some emergency and I was offered the spot permanently. It's better pay even, but it's a little harder than what I was doing before which wasn't horribly hard. And it's a good job. The people are great. The supervisor, Roy, was asking if there was some way I could pick up both the new job and maybe help out with my old one by taking half those shifts, but I knew there wasn't going to be a way for me to do that and still have so much time with you, so I asked him if it was possible for me to recommend someone I knew who really wanted a job, not just needed it. Someone who needs a job isn't always willing to put in the work, but since I know you want to work and get out of the house I said this to him and that I was willing to put my name and honor down for you. I told him who you were and about your background and he said bring you in tomorrow." He laughed, throwing his hands into the air.

            I squeezed him, bouncing around. "My God, Duval, you're a miracle worker!" I grabbed his hand and we ran off to my room so he could help me pick clothes that would make a good impression and be functional for my new job. I wasn't sure if there was ever going to be a way that I could pay him back for everything he'd done for me.
*realizes the needs water before she starts this*

*gets ice water, comes back*

So... If you've ever talked with me about the future you know I've been terrible at planning things in the past. My track record quite actually bites the big one so to speak.

So I have good news.

I'm going to be moving. With Catfish. I'm excited and terrified. Excited because we're moving in together. Terrified because (fun fact time) I've never moved. Ever. Not even moved my room in the house from one room to another.

So planning to move is hard. Especially because we don't have a particular date set yet. I'm not moving super far away, just... Away from where I've grown up. I've already promised my mom that I'm going to be calling her like every day so she knows I'm alive. So it's probably going to be that on my drive to work I'll be on the phone with her. And I'll see her because I might still be getting mail at the house for a while. Odd circumstance involved with this. Not going into details.

I'm wondering what effect the move will have on my writing. It could be I've got a change in my writing schedule or something. I've still got two novels planned for this year. And all the other work I'm doing on other projects. Now add moving to that list. We're planning on doing this in process.

First things first, I need a car! For those of you who don't know I do NOT have a car of my own. Catfish and I are going in together on paying for a used car. We're going to be looking at physical things this weekend with any luck. I'm terrified because this is another first for me. :iconheaddeskplz: Lots of things happening. It's... Panic inducing. Maybe I need to read some horror stories... I've been meaning to dig into the books that have been sitting on my desk for like two or three months. Really need to read them. Really want to read something again. It feels like it's been a while since I've read anything. I still need to finish reading a book by someone I admire. And then depending on when another person I admire finishes her book and puts it out on market I need to reread her first book to read her sequel. Things to look forward to during all the moving stuff. Like June bringing out the next Anita Blake Vampire Hunter novel! I'm overly excited about it. And in October there's a new novel by Rainbow Rowell! Branches off from another story of hers. And September should bring about the next book by Caroline Kepnes that comes after "You" which was fantastic and I'm so looking forward to it!

I seriously don't think Catfish knew what he was getting into with my movie collection. >.> Books I think he knew more about what he was getting involved with. But not the movies.

Worst part about moving? I'm going to have to disconnect my desktop computer and I'm also going to have to CLEAN under my desk and actually keep it clean. XD That's NEVER happened.

Did I mention I've stopped chewing my nails again so far? They're getting long enough that they scrape the keyboard if I'm not careful and it happens a lot more than I'd like to admit to... I hate that feeling.

Another piece of good news? This month (May) should be the FINAL payment I have to the college I went to. Mind you I'm still paying on my student loans, but this should be the final payment to the college directly. And that means that once everything gets settled again I'll be able to try and enroll back in classes after I get my transcript and it's great news because it's something that I can do for work. And if I can I'm hoping to get some writing classes in there too. But I'm not sure how everything is going to work at the moment. That's something that I'm getting paid off soon, but it's going to take some time to get everything else planned out. I am so nervous about this it's unreal. I already know I'm going to have to cut some hours out somewhere and I'm trying to figure out where and what and it's driving me a little crazy, but I'm kind of looking forward to it at the same time.

Part I'm looking forward to most about moving? Living with him means we won't have to say good-bye for a week or more at a time. It'll change to 'see you tonight' or 'see you later'. I'm always more relaxed around him. I'm just slightly worried as to how that will affect my writing habits and things.

I've told everyone how weird Catfish and I am, yes? And everyone knows how I'm only slightly obsessed with werewolves and wolves and such, yes? Catfish and I have been together for 3 years. I got him a battery operated bonsai tree and he ordered me something. Because he was afraid that what he ordered wouldn't get to him in time to give to me he got something extra. A bobble head POP figure of Thor that I'd been debating getting. So he's sitting on my desk bobbling away and I love it. *giggles while bobbling the head* :giggle: The other thing he got me was a silver bullet necklace. He had shown it to me and I fell in love with it. It's supposed to have the Latin translation for werewolf on it. I just think it looks awesome and it's a silver bullet! (very little silver, but the coloring makes it look like it and I'm just all sorts of fanning over it.) His mom handed him the package on Sunday while I was there. I'd had him on Saturday night and it was awesome. He was happy it got to me and I've worn it daily along with two other necklaces. I've been wearing the bullet under my shirts at work. I just feel good having it on.

There are some things I'm worried about, but I'm trying to focus on the positive things happening. Wish me luck. I might need it. Any tips for moving?

~Heather/Razor
  • Listening to: iTunes on shuffle.
  • Reading: Things.
  • Watching: Phone, computer, iPod...
  • Playing: Relax.
  • Eating: Nothing.
  • Drinking: Ice Water. It's hot over here!
Okay so the pants part is pantsing not actually about pants.

Progress has been made. The house is coming along together nicely and Catfish and I got a car this weekend and I got insurance and plates on it so we're done with car stuff (aside from getting any bumper stickers or magnet stuff for it). I've already got everything except my CDs moved into the car and the first magnet we're getting for the car is one for MS. He and I have talked about this. There are some others we want to get, but that's the first one we've talked about getting. He nodded at me when I brought it up.

His mom has MS and has had a lot of trouble recently. I also feel there's not enough out there about MS because you always see about breast cancer, but not really for MS.

Pants(ing)... With all the stuff about moving and everything happening I haven't had time to plan out more stuff for my story for July. Not sure when I will have time unless I do it at night with other things. Probably end up doing that. The thing about it is I've been thinking about pantsing or half pantsing the coming story. I could never do this for NaNoWriMo, but Camp I can pants with. Not something I want to do or like to do. I might also end up moving a story idea around and seeing if I can't just revamp a story I'd done long ago and use it for Camp because there are story files on my computer that I adore and miss working on and want to finish to share, but it's a long road and a lot of things need to change for the story that I have in mind to revamp. The only one that ALWAYS comes up when I want to revamp. Title, characters, plotting... It's a story that was in my head for a LONG time and I have a lot of ideas for it, including how I want to schedule it all. I have the plot mostly formed and everything in my head, but it's getting it on paper. Part of me is afraid that I won't be able to write it to the level I feel it deserves.

~Heather/Razor
  • Listening to: The news.
  • Reading: Soulless by Gail Carriger
  • Watching: Phone, computer, iPod...
  • Playing: Need to clean!
  • Eating: Lunch. Ham, cheese, and pepperoni sandwich.
  • Drinking: Nothing. Need to get water.

deviantID

Razor13
Heather
Artist | Hobbyist | Literature
United States
I write, I take pictures, I offer help when I can. What more is there to say about myself? I've got some great people in my life like :iconphi9bo:, :iconvioletrogue:, :iconlupus2032:, :iconredoctoberrising:, :iconixris:, :iconvulpes-vulpes-fox:, :iconltgdomo:, :iconfreedom-dreamer:, :iconnightquake:, :iconev1l-monsterboy:, :icontheultimatet:, :iconsecretbetweenthewar:, :iconblackwolfsilverpaw:, :iconspiritboundwolf: and many many more.

YIM/e-mail: packwolf13
NaNoWriMo: Razor13 (nanowrimo.org/en/participants/…) (same username for Camp NaNoWriMo)
Blog: hrshavor.wordpress.com/
IMVU: PoetRazor13
Tumblr: poetrazor13.tumblr.com
Current Residence: Same place for 23 years...
Favourite genre of music: Mostly Alternative Rock, but it depends on my mood.
Favourite photographer: Too many amazing people, but I don't look at this much.
Favourite style of art: Have you seen my favorites? I'm open-minded to styles.
Operating System: Win 7 and Win XP
MP3 player of choice: iPod Classic
Wallpaper of choice: I almost always have something up so I don't see this much.
Skin of choice: Mine. Words. Music.
Favourite cartoon character: Jack by Timmit and Cast of Salem Uncommons! Too many more to list.
Personal Quote: "Sometimes the greatest gift is the sound of the one you love walking in the door." - Me
Interests

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:iconmoonstar-dream-raven:
Moonstar-Dream-Raven Featured By Owner 5 days ago  New Deviant
Thank you for the Watch Sis. Sorry it has been awhile. Missed you.
DA Watch Plz 
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:iconrazor13:
Razor13 Featured By Owner 4 days ago  Hobbyist Writer
Missed you too, Moonie. :hug:
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:iconwdlady:
WDLady Featured By Owner May 20, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you for all the wonderful faves! :heart: :iconhappyskipplz:
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:iconrazor13:
Razor13 Featured By Owner May 20, 2015  Hobbyist Writer
You are most welcome sweety.
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:iconpaintedsunshine:
PaintedSunshine Featured By Owner May 20, 2015  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you so much dear for the fave!! I'm so glad you enjoyed reading my little poem. :heart: :huggle:
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:iconrazor13:
Razor13 Featured By Owner May 20, 2015  Hobbyist Writer
Keep up the good work!
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hockeymask Featured By Owner Apr 23, 2015
Thanks for the fave !:)
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:iconrazor13:
Razor13 Featured By Owner Apr 24, 2015  Hobbyist Writer
Welcome. :)
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:iconangellicelf:
AngellicElf Featured By Owner Apr 23, 2015  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Hey! This is random, but I wanna get better at critiques and I also need a critique on my work, would you like to do a critique trade?
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:iconrazor13:
Razor13 Featured By Owner Apr 23, 2015  Hobbyist Writer
I'll note you with/for details.
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